MEATER made rump roast with Hollandaise sauce and vegetables

MEATER made rump roast of red meat goodness on a windy and cold winter evening in Canberra made decadent with homemade spicy Hollandaise sauce and made “healthful” with kale sprouts, cauliflower, and mushrooms. You’ll find out why the word healthful is in quotation marks as you read the recipe and how I cooked these elements of the dish.

Dedicated to a good colonoscopy result and my specialist consultant physician gastroenterologist.

Hopefully all my future colonoscopies return NAD results

MEATER made rump roast

On Thursday I had a colonoscopy and was relieved when my gastroenterologist smiled and said, no abnormality detected (NAD).

Warning! The recipe and Q&A sections are distinctly a Yummy Lummy effort with the sort of colourful language you’ve come to expect on this blog.

Red meat in moderation or not at all

We are told by health authorities, and disease experts, that red meat should be enjoyed in moderation. Moderation is an interesting word. My moderation could be your excess and someone else may think my moderation barely meets their dietary requirements.

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Yummy Lummy’s dietary changes

I’ve been changing the balance of my diet lately. Less red meat, more white meat and fish. Less starch-laden vegetables and more leafy-green iron-enriched plants. More dairy in the form of unsweetened yoghurt plus more fruit in the form of berries. The net effect is aimed at reducing my simple-carbohydrate and bad fat intake while increasing dietary fibre and protein.

There’s a lot written about carcinomas and malignant diseases of the bowel and the associations with different types of meat in your diet. Most of what is written in the lay press is unfiltered and slanted to the author’s biases. This is because high quality evidence-based publications can be difficult to access freely and difficult to understand, especially the medical statistics.

Beware of quacks 🦆 and scam artists

I have neither the time nor the inclination to read the published medical literature, and so like many people, I rely on the advice of experts. I feel like I have an advantage because I have what I think is an ability to filter out the poor information from those peddling supplements complementary and alternative mantras (SCAM) of healthcare (and basically quackery), so I can focus on the quality information.

With a past history of hyperplastic polyps and a first degree relative with a significant carcinoma of the bowel requiring a total colectomy, when I was told NAD (no abnormality detected) after my latest colonoscopy, I felt like I should celebrate with a lump of rump.

Why a lump of rump?

While a rib eye or scotch fillet steak may be more tender, every now and then I like a nice piece of rump because it has a lovely beefy flavour, and when cooked well, it can be tender, moist, and juicy.

Why the MEATER™ is a food safety tool

Even though I’ve become a fan of sous vide cooking, I’m really enamoured by my MEATER™ wireless meat thermometer. I use it frequently, especially for cooking chicken thigh. I find it really useful because my go-to oven is a small benchtop toaster oven. This $AUD50 special from Kmart which I purchased nearly a decade ago is the workhorse of my kitchen. That said, I have no faith whatsoever in its thermostat. Based on experience it cannot come close to achieving the temperatures claimed by the dials on its control panel. Because I prefer safety over the ‘art and feel’ of cooking, a meat thermometer is an indispensable tool for the sake of food safety. I can turn the dial to 200 °C (400 °F) and use the MEATER™ app on my smart device to monitor the temperatures at the tip of my probe buried deep in my meat as well as the ambient temperature in the oven. With the desired temperature set, the smart probe and the app continuously monitor the progress of the cooking until the internal temperature deep in my meat approaches the desired temperature and I’m notified to remove my meat from the heat and to allow my meat to rest. When the resting period, based on reaching the desired internal temperature, is complete, I can remove my probe from my meat, wash it thoroughly, and put it away for next time. I know when I go to carve my meat it will be cooked the way I want.

Is the MEATER™ foolproof?

The above paragraph is the ideal and what is meant to happen. Occasionally though, the internal temperature overshoots the desired temperature and the potential for overcooking my meat exists. This happened last night, that is, the overshooting. After eating some of the rump roast, I have no complaints about the cooking at all. My meat was tender, moist, juicy, and delicious in every way.

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I bought all the ingredients from Coles.

Yummy Lummy is not sponsored by anyone.

Recipe

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MEATER made rump roast with Hollandaise sauce and vegetables

Prep Time

10 mins

Cook Time

1 hr

Faffing

20 mins

Total Time

1 hr 30 mins

 

MEATER made rump roast of red meat goodness on a windy and cold winter evening in Canberra made decadent with homemade spicy Hollandaise sauce, and made “healthful” with kale sprouts, cauliflower, and mushrooms. You’ll find out why the word healthful is in quotation marks as you read the recipe and how I cooked these elements of the dish.

Course: Main Course

Cuisine: Australian

Keyword: Beef, Cauliflower, Hollandaise sauce, Kale sprouts, Lamb rump steaks, MEATER, Mushrooms, Roast rump

Servings: 1 Hungry Human Macrophage

Calories: 500 kcal

Author: Gary Lum

Ingredients

Lump of rump

• 600 grams Rump roast with a nice fat cap, tied to ensure it keeps its shape during cooking
• Iodised salt Enough for taste and not enough to elevate your blood pressure

Hollandaise sauce

• 3 egg yolks
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• ½ teaspoon Dijon mustard
• ½ teaspoon chilli paste
• 100 grams butter

The non-meat bits

• 6 kale sprouts Kalettes™
• 6 cauliflower florets
• 6 mushrooms sliced

Instructions

Lump of rump

1. Preheat your oven to about 200 °C (400 °F).
2. Remove your meat from the environmentally unfriendly plastic vacuum wrapper.
   
3. Wash the plastic of the wrapper with soap and water so your rubbish bin doesn’t start to smell of decomposing animal protein as the putrefying bacteria begin to breakdown the protein.
4. Season your meat with a little iodised salt by using your hands to massage your meat and rub in the salty goodness.
5. Use some kitchen paper to pat your meat dry to prepare it for searing.
6. In a searing hot frypan, gently lay your meat on the frypan surface making sure to start with your meat’s fat cap.
   
7. You really want to enjoy the odour of searing animal fat as it penetrates your nostrils and stimulates olfactory memories of fantastic barbecue meals from your childhood.
8. Brown all sides and the ends of your lump of rump in the frypan making sure to render as much fat from the fat cap as possible without burning and cooking your meat too much.
9. Do NOT, and I repeat, do NOT wash your frypan at this stage. You need to keep the rendered fat full of salty, bloody, beefy flavours aside for something special later on.
10. Insert your probe deep into your meat. If there’s a little resistance, that’s okay, be gentle and slowly push it all the way in.
    
11. Add a little more iodised salt to the fat cap and place your lump of rump onto a rack which sits proud of the base of a baking dish.
12. In the baking dish you will have some cold tap water and the cauliflower florets which are waiting eagerly to soak up the fatty goodness of the meat juices as they drip from your meat imparting beefy fatty flavours to your cauliflower and reducing the healthfulness rating of this delicate white vegetable. Try to imagine anthropomorphised cauliflower florets with gaping mouths, thirsty for your fatty meat juices.
    
13. Insert your meat into the warm embrace of your oven and close the door.

14. On your MEATER™ app, select the type of meat you are cooking (beef if you haven't already figured out I'm using beef rump and not lamb or pork rump and choose a desired internal temperature of 57 °C (135 °F).

    
15. Touch the “Start Cooking” icon and watch the graph develop on the screen.
16. Listen out for the ‘five minute’ notification so you can be ready to remove your meat from the heat and allow your lump of rump to rest.
17. When the MEATER™ app signals you to, remove your meat from the oven and allow it to rest according to the MEATER™ app’s instructions. You’ll receive audible beeps alerting you when it’s time to gently withdraw your probe from deep within your meat.
18. With your meat perfectly rested, hold your meat in your non-dominant hand and carve slices with your favourite butchers knife. Mine is a blue-handled Dick-brand butchers knife. It feels good in my hand and cuts my meat perfectly.
    
19. Transfer the bulk of your meat to a plastic vacuum container and refrigerate it safe in the knowledge you will have delicious rump roast beef for workplace lunches this week.

Spicy Hollandaise sauce

1. Remove three eggs from your refrigerator or collect them fresh from your chook run if you’re fortunate enough to have chooks. I don’t, so I rely on purchasing my chicken eggs from Coles.
   
2. While your removing your eggs also select and remove the butter, some Dijon mustard and a jar of hot chilli paste.
3. Cut about 100 grams of butter from your block of happiness and put it into a glass measuring cup. Put a sheet over kitchen paper over the opening and secure it with a rubber band. I keep all the rubber bands that Coles uses to secure the stems of coriander, parsley, mint, spring onions, kale, silverbeet, and other green things. You may ask why I do this now.
4. Separate the egg yolks from the egg whites and put the egg yolks into container suitable for processing food with a stick blender. A large tall plastic cup would be fine.
5. In a separate bowl add the lemon (or lime if you like limey goodnesjuice, Dijon mustard, and hot chilli paste, and mix this together with your fingers like an animal or with a spoon like a modern-day sapien.
6. Using microwave radiation, melt your butter. The paper chapeau prevents erupting butter from contaminating the inside surfaces of your oven.
7. With your stick blender, process the egg yolks. I use a Bamix™ stick blender. I love my Bamix™ stick blender. I’ve had one for more than 30 years.
8. Add the citrus juice, Dijon mustard, and hot chilli paste mixture and process that together with the egg yolks.
9. Slowly drizzle into the mixing vessel the melted butter while processing it all with your stick blender.
10. You should end up with a rich, tangy, and spicy Hollandaise sauce which is smooth and thick, slow to pour which means it will stick to your tongue and provide you with delight as you lick it from your knife and plate and the end of the meal.
11. Keep this warm in a bain-marie.

The non-meaty bits

1. See the lump of rump section for the instructions on what to do with the cauliflower florets.
2. I hope you heeded my instructions when preparing your lump of rump because now you want to get that frypan full of rendered beef fat and rich in salty, bloody, beefy flavour, and put it on your desired heat source and turn it on so the solidified fat melts.
3. To the frypan of joy, add the sliced mushroom and kale sprouts (Kalettes™).
4. With a wooden spoon or a modern silicone mixing stick, move the mushrooms and kale sprouts around in the rendered beef fat and make sure everything kisses your fat. You want intimate contact between your fatty goodness and the kale sprouts and you want the slices of mushroom to absorb the beefy flavours from the fat.
5. Turn the heat down and put a lid on the frypan and watch it cook.
6. You know it’s cooked enough when there’s no more free fat in the frypan, the mushrooms have taken on some colour, and the leaves of the kale sprouts are glistening after being massaged and oiled up by the vapourisation of cellular water from the mushrooms and kale sprouts mixed with the rendered beef fat.
7. On their own, you’d think mushrooms and kale sprouts sautéed in a non-stick frypan with a little neutral high vapour-point rice bran oil might be an healthful option. Yummy Lummy, however, can turn anything inherently good, into something better.

Plating up bit

1. If you are a wanker, use your finest cooking tweezers to lay slices of rump roast on your warmed dinner plate.
2. If you’re not a food wanker, use your (cleafingers to put the meat on the plate.
3. Next to your meat, use a large enough spoon to place your pieces of beef juice-flavoured cauliflower.
4. With your fingers, place the glistening kale sprouts decoratively around the plate because you want the bright green colour to act as fill colour for an otherwise ‘beige’ looking plate of food.
5. Scoop the beef-fat filled mushrooms from the frypan and put them next to your meat slices.
6. With a large spoon ladle the thick and gooey spicy Hollandaise sauce onto the plate putting some on and near your meat and mushrooms.
   

Blogging bit

1. Shoot a photograph and a short video because Google now wants video on recipe cards.
2. Eat the meal.
3. Wash the dishes (hint, wash as you cook, it makes life easier).
4. Write the recipe.
5. Write the blog post.
6. Hit publish and hope this blog post gets shared on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.

Recipe Video

Recipe Notes

Disclaimer

I have no culinary training nor qualifications. This post is not intended to convey any health or medical advice. If you have any health concerns about anything you read, please contact your registered medical practitioner. The quantities are indicative. Feel free to vary the quantities to suit your taste. I deliberately do not calculate energy for dishes. I deliberately default to 500 Calories or 500,000 calories because I do not make these calculations.

Photographs

This is a gallery of photographs. Click on one image and then scroll through the photographs.

Questions and answers

If you’re losing weight, eating healthfully, and anxious about bowel carcinoma, why are you celebrating with a lump of rump?

Life is too short not to enjoy some of the finer things in life. While I will have small aliquots of red meat this week thanks to this lump of rump, each portion will be small. I also have fish and poultry this week too.

If you follow me Yummy Lummy on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, you’ll also see an abundance of leafy green vegetables and probably some cherry tomatoes, carrot, and celery too.

How do I learn to filter out the poor quality health information in my life?

This is a little more tricky. There are a lot of well-meaning people on the interwebs sharing what they think is good quality advice and based in science.

Much of it though is new age, hippy garbage. Lofty promises with nothing worthwhile in return. Worse still you get the people who prey on vulnerable and susceptible minds by peddling supplements complementary and alternative mantras (SCAM) of healthcare and so-called wellness. Pseudo-science is how I like to describe this quackery. Using the thin veil of scientific language to peddle rubbish.

Many of these quacks resort to what they regard as “common sense”, or tales from the crypts of history, based on so-called magical and legendary advice from ancient cultures and civilisations.

No one should argue with the potential benefits of wisdom as ancient of days, however, the key is using science in the form of clinical trial methodologies and regulatory science, to demonstrate not just benefit but the absence of harm. Or at least, a minimisation of harm if the benefits are clear cut.

Ancient wisdom

I’m not dismissing the wisdom gleaned from ancient civilisations and which has been refined through generations of trial and error. What I’m saying is that in the twenty-first century, we have the ability to improve on age-old remedies so that benefits can be exploited further and harm can be minimised or even eliminated.

What can you trust?

If the source of your reading comes from a conventional authority, like a peer-reviewed medical journal and not the grey-literature where authors pay to have their rubbish published, you are usually fine. Although, some incorrect material gets published in respectable journals, e.g., Wakefield and The Lancet (note the editors of The Lancet retracted the fraudulent publication after investigation).

If the website is from a government agency with a .gov or better yet .gov.au domain, you’re usually fine. That said, some governments become beholden to ‘interest groups’ so a healthy dose of scepticism and cynicism is always helpful too.

There are some shonky medical and nurse practitioners out there on the interwebs

I’d avoid assuming that registered healthcare practitioners always have your best interests at heart. Some of them including medical practitioners and nurse practitioners, but also conventionally qualified nutritionists get sucked into the weird and wacky world of so-called ‘health and wellness’ and the supplements, complementary and alternative mantras (SCAM) of healthcare.

To be clear, is this meal healthful?

No. No, it’s not. I can assure you though it tasted good. You will not get an extra second of life by eating this. If you measure happiness and joy by how long you can exist on this planet, then this isn’t a meal which will provide you with your form of joy and happiness.

If you measure joy and happiness by the amazing chemical reactions which stimulate your senses including smell, taste, vision, touch, and hearing (that sizzle of fat on a hot frypan is a sound of happiness for me), then this meal will make you happy, albeit for a few minutes.

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Final thoughts

• Do you like rump roast?
• Have I convinced you to go MEATER made?
• Do you think others would enjoy my style of recipe writing?

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